Manae Sato
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And they said one to another, Did not our heart burn within us, while he talked with us by the way, and while opened to us the scriptures?
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I am very familiar with the story "On the way to Emmaus". We have a picture about this
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story on the wall of my parents living room. I love it very much because of its clarity. When I look at the apostles in this picture, I feel like watching myself.
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I grew up in a sincere and ideal Christian home. Though he is quiet, my father loves me. My
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mother loves cooking, dressing up, and she is a sincere Christian. My brother is a sweet-heart, even though he was a dropout once. I am proud of my family.
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I went to Sunday School when I was a child. I was such a nice girl that everybody liked
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me. People in the church loved me, too. I played a piano professionally at restaurants and bars, and people liked my music. I was skinny and wearing top fashions with high heels, walking around Ginza with pride. I loved myself.
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One day I got a call from my Lord, while I was in a Christian summer camp. Can I enjoy
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life in this way a little longer?, I begged. I did not want to give up my career which I had been building up for years. But I could not resist His strong call. I quit working, moved out of the apartment, and joined a Christian medical mission group. After 6 months, I went to the United States.
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The pastor talked to me about how great American Christians were, and I wanted to study
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music therapy, too. I started my new life in the USA with American missionaries.
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It might be hard to believe someone who knew me, but every morning I kneeled by my bed
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and prayed for over 100 people, according to prayer requests. It was not difficult at all. I went to many different churches and everywhere people loved me. My dream was becoming a pianist of super (mega) churches in the United States.
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After a while I moved to L.A. and lived alone, which had been one of my dreams. I was not
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with the medical missionary group anymore.
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I went to the Kohitsuji no Mure retreat in Los Angeles. Mitsuko-san prayed for me, and I
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felt that my childhood wounds were healed then. I saw the evidence of the power of the Holy Spirit ( Love of God). The medical missionary group did not believe in the Holy Spirit. And also they thought I betrayed them, because I was engaged to an American student of theology. My fiance believed in the Holy Spirit, and he liked me to go to churches believing in the Holy Spirit. I was one of three popular pianists among Japanese churches. I performed at big services, concerts, etc.
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I believed, the Christian society is very small, especially in Japan. There are so many bad
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pianists there. It would be better to find world class musicians in Japan and have concerts in Vineyards, or the people in the world would look down on us. I want to be a real professional musician like Whitney Huston.
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My fiance tried to help me and introduced me to many Christian musicians. I believed that it
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was one of the ways to work for God's glory to be a world class pianist.
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I hated Kohitsuji's Sanbi (praise) which were below amateuor level. I liked Pastor Peter's
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speeches on tapes, but I could not stand their sad and dark hymns like children songs. I thought singing these kinds of hymns would make us look bad.
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My fiance and I broke up. I cried and complained to God. I trusted in Him. I gave up my
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favorite work in Japan and came to America. I gave up studying music therapy for Him. I wanted to do music ministry with my fiance. What does it mean that the devotion I did in the past? What does it mean, my past 4 years? I blamed God and at the same time I blamed myself. I made a decision to dedicate myself to God, but I m not doing anything at all.
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I got more piano work after we broke up. I did concert tours for a big organization. I
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thought, I may become a pianist under contract with them and be on TV! I was excited to think about it. But I always felt something wrong. At that time I had started to go to the meetings of the Kohitsuji no Mure church.
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I met Mr. Yasushi Suzuki who was a minister of the Kohitsuji no Mure church. My spirit
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was lifted up by what he said, even though my prejudiced mind was shocked. His speech attracted me more than anybody else. God's world as he described was so dynamic and inspiring. Wow! The miracles that happened in Biblical Days still happen today! I was filled with awe and happiness.
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One day while talking to him, I felt that I would work with him in the near future. It was such
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a strong feeling that I could not deny it. One year later I made a decision to become a Hatarakibito (minister).
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I have been having amazing experiences since then. I have encountered with Jesus Christ
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again during singing Sanbi (praise) which I used to hate. "I gave you the difficult time which was not only to strengthen you, but I wanted you to know My Love. I want you to spread My Love through the world." Now I know this is my Lord's burning desire to me!
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Yasushi-san has brought me such sensation. He made me want to know more about this
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Love. Now I know that the Lord is awesome and He is a living God. My heart trembles to think of miracles beyond my imagination. Jesus on the way to Emmus is still living today.
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The covers of my eyes were taken away. Now I know that the Lord has been with me all
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the time. Even while I screamed in His ears. Why did you go far away? Why did you abandon me? What is wrong with me? Answer me! Tell me why? And He never blamed me. Instead, He cried with me and watched me with sad eyes. Because I know His love, my heart is burning within me.
P.S.
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Today (October12th) after the Service at the Kohitsuji no Mure church in Ashiya, we
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were recording praise for Christmas at church. Mat-chan (Ms. Machi Murayama) was getting tired of accompanying, so I played the piano. Ryu-chan (Mr. Ryuta Mochizuki) told me to play quietly. I said, "I am playing quietly!" Then, Mitsuko-san said, "I hear the Manae's style. I hope you would get used to playing in Kohitsuji style."
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I was shocked! With anger, I said to myself, "Dear Jesus, you are mean to me. You always
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make somebody say such things in front of everybody!"
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When I went home, I said to Him again. "Please make them speak to me confidentially, not
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in front of people." But when I thought it over and over, I had to admit that it was about time for me to be pointed out.
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In music college I learned how to develop my original style. I put myself in public as much
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as possible and tried to create Manae's color. People in many churches loved my style. Many American musicians who respected my originality gave me nice complements. Your style is unique. It's in between Classical and Jazz. And I thought, "Yes!! I am a gifted instrument of praise."
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All those things are unnecessary in Kohitsuji no Mure. We cannot tell who is playing the
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piano, whether Mat-chan or Ms. Hisayo Obara. It has no distinct difference at all. I also want to play like that, but occasionally my another self says, "I have more technique and experience than they do."
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After recording, just before leaving church, Mat-chan talked to me happily, "Gee! You are
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told to die in Christ, aren't you?" I agreed with her. My flesh thought (ego) still tells me, "A bland musician does worth nothing in the music world!" But my soul says, "I love purity and clarity. I am no longer the Christian musician. I am only a part of praise." I feel sad and happy at the same time.
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I said, "Jesus, it is difficult to die!" and He said, "Just say, 'Help me, Jesus!' That's enough."
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Kohitsuji no Mure is a wondrous band of people's church.
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Through these experiences, I have realized the true meaning of being an instrument of praise.
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We are only instruments for God. All what we do is let music from Heaven play and flow through us. I am amazed to see myself writing this!
October 22, 1999 |
